Sunday, August 1, 2010

One month left

I have a month left in Washington and living at the parents house. I couldn't be more excited that my time here is coming to an end. Not that its been horrible or anything, but lets face it, what 25 year old wants to move back in with the parents for 9 months? Not this one. But I knew it was the right thing as I look back, I had to listen to God when he said leave Los Angeles, that it wasn't for me anymore. My time there was over and it was time to go home.

I had to listen when God told me to just wait once I got here, and that I was exactly where I needed to be. Every night when I would pray to him thats just what I heard, Jenny, you are exactly where you need to be. Ok God, I get it. So I went about my business, fell into routine with mom and dad, did my classes online. But it hasn't been an easy nine months. I lost a lot of friends this year, I think that we grew apart, its sad though, especially when you've known each other since grade school. I had other friends but they were busy and live far away so its hard to see them often. I've had many lonely times while living here and often have felt trapped, but I listened to God and I knew I was exactly where I needed to be. That there is greater plan for me that I have no idea of knowing until he reveals it to me.

In February I started my Spring semester of school and was actually pretty excited about my classes this time, they were something new, not repeats from undergrad. Well little did I know that God put me in one of those classes to reveal the calling for my life and career. That class was Sustainable Design for interiors. I've never before felt passionate about interior design, I just knew that for some reason it was the academic and career path I needed to take. And finally with this class I found where I fit in the crazy world of interior design and architecture!

I think I must have talked non stop about this class because my parents saw my new passion. And finally in April they said maybe you should look into changing master's program and go for one in sustainable design. But I was like I can't just up and drop out of this one and change, do you know how hard I've fought for school for the past three years! I finally got into a master's program after going through three years of people telling me I'd better give up and just find a job and I'd learn what I need to in a job anyway. I went through three years of rejection letters. I went through three years of fighting to be seen as a potential somebody by schools with no luck. And finally, finally my perseverance paid off. If I left would that be admitting failure? Would I be telling everyone who told me I couldn't do it that they were right? Will I look flighty to everyone. I realized no, I didn't have to drop out of my program just to look at others, if it didn't work out I'd stick out the one I was in, if it did work out then awesome! And besides, who cares what others think of me, I know where I'm heading and so does God. So I started researching programs and schools. I applied to a school and got in, dropped out of my other school and am now moving to Georgia for a year. Had I not moved home I would not have had my parents there pushing me to make the change. God sent me home for this, I know he did.

He also sent me home to rest, I got rather sick with another auto immune disorder a year ago that just really took all my energy away, I literally felt like I was wasting away all through last Summer and Fall. But I luckily found amazing doctor here and have since been on medication that will hopefully keep this disorder in remission forever. So I was home to rest my body after all it went through. I needed time to recover and to let my parents be parents and to love me and keep me in their covering while I renewed my strength.

I think I've also had these 9 months as a test of my faith in God. He has used this time to teach me about myself and my strength and to teach me how to hope in him and not worldly things. Nothing I do could happen without him! He also used this time as time to reflect my past, especially my time in Los Angeles. To learn from my mistakes, to see where he has taken me, to see how much I've grown and changed.

So I have one month left before I'm once again thrown into the world on my own. But I'm not afraid, I know where my strength lies, in Jesus. I know I can do anything with him by my side. I may fail, but I've been there so I pick myself up and move on. I will change and I will grow and my faith will become stronger through all this. There will be times that are amazing, and there will be dark times. There will be challenges to overcome. But I know I'll be fine. Hell, I lived in LA, one of the hardest cities to make it in, well I made it there so I can make it anywhere.

I think this last month will be the hardest yet of these past 9. I'm chomping at the bit to just leave and get out of here and not look back. And yet I'm hesitant to leave the comfort of home and my parents who take care of me when I need it. So I tell myself, they're still my parents no matter where I am, and I have God on my side too. And to just getting out of here I tell myself to enjoy the time left here, because it will never happen again.

I have this last month here to once again pack up my life and go where God is pointing me. Who knows what will happen when I'm done with my degree in June, but I know if I trust God and follow him I'll be exactly where I need to be.