Change.

Its strange to think my life is going to change…has already changed…drastically…again. I’m looking change in the eyes. Did I ever look away? When does life ever not change? Is that what adult’s forget to tell you when you’re little? “Your life will constantly change, nothing stays the same, its scary but you’ll be ok...we think.” But what if I’m tired of always changing, what if I’m tired of never feeling settled, of always wondering if this is right or should I have stayed there? But I suppose the only way we ever get anywhere is to change, to let change happen. We learn from our mistakes, or so I’ve been told. Well I’ve made mistakes, lets hope I’ve learned and that the change that comes is better than the change that was. So far, through all that has changed, I’ve been, well, ok. I see where I was, and I see where I’m going, I can’t see the end, but can anyone? Change brings twists, it abruptly turns you ‘round, it stops you in your tracks and starts you over. Most change hasn’t been so bad, but most change I’ve had someone by my side. This time its just me. I’m scared. I’m scared I won’t be able to do it, scared I can’t do it, scared…just, well, scared. But I think mostly I’m looking forward to this change. Its change that’s been needed for a long time. It’s a change that will push me and grow me and…change me. I don’t know where this change will take me, I don’t know who I’ll meet along the way, but that’s part of the fun of change I suppose. You never know.  So I’ll look you in the eyes, change, and I’ll keep staring. You don’t frighten me because you excite me too much. I’ll keep my eyes forward and only look back to remember my lessons learned and to see where I’ve been. Then I’ll look forward again and see where I’m going and where the change has brought me. 

~late night musings of a girl who can't sleep (me)

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