I feel just like lost

I just feel lost lately. I'm not even sure why. I'm in school which was my main goal to achieve in my life since 2005, I have a job thats in the area I want to be working in, I have great friends who I live with. But yet I just feel like lost in life.

What am I doing this program at school for? Do I really want to just be an interior designer, I feel like there's more to me than just becoming a designer. And maybe this program will take unexpected turns and open doors for me that I have no way of seeing now. I know I some how want to help make peoples lives better through design, but like how the hell do you even begin? Do I just start my own design company after graduation? Do I work for another firm for awhile? I know it's far away but really it's not, only two years until I graduate, shouldn't I be thinking of where I want to be by then? I just feel confused I guess about school. Maybe part of it was that I was looking in specific programs for so long and then just stumbled upon this one that is much more broad and was kinda thrown into it without having much knowledge about

it so am still like wait what am I doing, what classes am I taking?? Its crazy. But I know its what I need to be doing right now because God worked it out so amazingly! Everything just fell into place and I know it wouldn't have happened if wasn't God's timing.

Also, I just really hate my job right now. I get so bored there, even though I only work two days a week I've come to just absolutely dread those two days of the week. My boss is crazy and never makes sense, I'm the only person who can do anything in the office (I'm the only one who works there) so everything falls onto me and it just sucks. Also I don't work with anyone else and I've always been a person who really really needs people around otherwise like the life is just sucked out of me and I get super depresses and bored. Even if its just at work for 8 hours that I'm without another person, it just really makes me crabby and hate life. I want to look for a new job, especially one that's a lot closer to home so I'm not spending so much money to just get to work, also so I have more time for school and so I'm so freaking tired when I get home. But I just don't even know where to start looking. No where I'd want to work is even hiring now. I just want an office job that's mindless so then I can come home and not be so tired from trying to eight thousand different things at once that I can't concentrate on school work! But no where wants a part time person for the mindless jobs. And of course no architects or designers are hiring because no one is building because no one has money! ARGH! I just feel so overwhelmed everytime I start to think about looking for a job that I just don't, which is pretty stupid/lame of me. I just need to do it. I know something will open up if it's right for me, but I just hate looking for jobs, I always have, it's so unnatural for me to just go up to some one and be like hire me cuz I'm awesome. so therefor I have a hard time with it. I kinda just want to be a full time student and not have a job and live off the money from school, but that's not gonna happen.

I also just feel lost in the relationship department. I just really don't even get relationships, how do they happen, what do you mean a boy has to actually like you and pursue you, how does this happen, why haven't any guys ever liked me or thought of me as worth pursuing?? Its just frustrating when you see so many people in relationships and getting engaged and married you've never even had a freaking boyfriend!!! What's so wrong with me? I think I'm a pretty cool girl, I'm pretty fun and silly and not too bad looking. And yeah yeah yeah the right person just hasn't come along yet blah blah blah BLAH! I know I know, I get it whatever, but you probably have someone so have no idea how it feels to watch you get married and be so happy and excited. It hurts, I want that feeling, I want to feel loved and know what its like to love someone. And right now its seems as if I'll never know. It's hard to have perspective when the one thing you crave so badly feels like it'll never happen. But whatever, I'll just become a nun at age 40, so not a big deal. I pray about this all the time to God and I just keep hearing him say "wait" and "soon" but ok God it's been like over a year since I've really started praying about this, and maybe in your book soon is like a few years, but to me it's NOW! I'm sick of being patient and waiting, I'm sick of being the girl who's never had a boyfriend or been on a date and people look at with disbelief when they find this out like "really, whats wrong with you?" It just sucks. Most days I come to conclusion that boys just must not like me or think me worth the time. But I know thats wrong and that just the enemy trying to attack me, so I have to fight through those feelings and know I'm worth it and that any guys who I've liked in the past aren't worthy of ME and that the one God has for me just hasn't come along yet, or has and I don't know it because it's just not the right time yet. It still sucks though. It'd be nice for it to hurry up a little God...just saying.

Conclusion. I feel like I have no direction in my life right now, and I feel like I should because I'm almost 25, and shouldn't I have my life somewhat figured out by now so I'm not just floating through life? Idk, there's just a lot of questions in my life right now and I guess we'll see where the answers come from and how they're answered.

The end.