How long must I pray
Must I pray to You
How long must I wait
Must I wait for You
How long 'till I see Your face
See You shining through

I'm on my knees
Begging You to notice me
I'm on my knees
Father, will You turn to me

One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the Maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart

One life is all I am
Right now, I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart

I've been so afraid
Afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away
Before I say goodbye

But if there's no other way
I'm done asking why
Cause I'm on my knees
Begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees
Father, will You run to me

So many questions without answers
Your promises remain
I can't see but I'll take my chances
To hear You call my name
To hear You call my name

my life in texts 3

(back story: mom had asked me about a guy and I was annoyed with her so had to share with Ashlee and this is the resulting convo that morning...)

Ashlee: Gah! That's annoying. Oh waiting. Am I going to be waiting for the rest of my life? Until I DIE? Feels like it. Gah I feel like a freak. Boys/men are buttholes.

Me: I know!!! I'm just like why....just why??!!?

Me: I just don't get it! this whole boy thing! How do people get one?? Cuz I'm pretty sure no guy has ever liked me so how do you get one to? It's a mystery!

Ashlee: Gahhhhhh!!! I quit everything!!!

Me: ok let's leave. Let's go live in the Greek Isles!

Ashlee: I quit everything except the Greek Isles. Peace out Boss. Mmm. I want a gyro.

Me: LOL. I want ice cream coffee on the beach.

Ashlee: Ok. And sex on the beach? Let's get em!

Ashlee: I feel like bfs are like myths like unicorns and leprechans or something. I hate being stuck at the freakin terminal! Where's my redeye?? (from an earlier convo where we decided people with significant others are on Jet Blue flying away and we're on Delta stuck at the airport)

Me: I know I fucking wanna be on Jet Blue!!!

Ashlee: If I ever get on I'm gonna slap him for making me wait so damn long for him.

Me: hahahaha!!!

Ashlee: It needs to be done. Today, that is. Well just work. And waiting. waitings needs to be done too. And there should be Mexican food and margs for lunch. Always.

Me: Everything needs to be done. Lets go to Mexico now, then we'll have Mexican and margs everyday! Plz? I'll live on a beach. I have no prob with that!

Me: Or where are there cute boys? Maybe Spain? Let's go there. We'll pick up Spanish quick I'm sure!

A true Californian....

So I was accepted into a Master's program through the Academy of Art University. It's in San Fran but I'm doing it all online so I'm officially staying in Cali. It's so weird! When I moved down here I was like well it's only for a year because I'll do school next year so I'll be moving. Plus I never really wanted to move to California. I was never one of those people who dreamt of sun and beaches, I was happy in Seattle. But now that I'm in school and I don't need to move I'm not going to. I'm sick of moving, I have at least once a year since 2003 and it sucks! So I'm staying...which means I will have become a Californian resident. I know it's trivial and stupid but it makes me sad. I miss Washington and I'll be sad to not officially be a Washingtonian anymore! And I guess now when I'm somewhere far away and people ask where I'm from I'll have to say LA.

I just find it strange that I'll soon be a Californian, my car will be a Californian, I'll have one of those horrid yellow liscenses and a stupid white liscense plate for my car. But I'll always be a Seattle girl at heart, and I really really want to end up back there someday because it's home and always will be.

I'm finally starting to see why God brought me down here. I would have never found this job, or found the school or done a lot of other things I have over the past year if I hadn't moved here with my girls! So for now, it's here.