What I've been learning...

Lately I've been learning how to truly give my heart to God and how to let him be enough for me. I don't know why it's so hard to do that when you know how awesome it is to have his love fill you, but everyday it's a struggle to give him my heart and let him love me! I think Satan likes to tell me that the love I long for can only be satisfied by a man, and I know it's not true but sometimes it feels that way. And then I'm like what the heck! That is so not true, what have I been thinking?? And I have to start all over with God. But that's another thing I've learnt, God is always there, waiting patiently for us. It's pretty amazing. It's still hard though when you crave a romantic love and all these people around you have found it but you haven't. You can't help but wonder why. And then I go back to God and know that it's not time yet, he still has more to teach me. And in the future when I do have that love I so crave it'll be so much richer because of what I'll have already learned! I won't be relying on a man to satisfy my heart, because that will never work, only God will! My mom and I were talking and she was saying how it's awesome that I've been learning this because in the future I won't look to a man or to children or anyone but God to fill that emptyness in my heart. Only God can fill it, and once you know that and have that figured out your relationships with friends and family are so much stronger. Those were just my thoughts this morning and thought I'd share.

Waiting waiting waiting...

I feel like the past two years have been a waiting game for me. Waiting on school, waiting on what to do next, waiting on life in general. I thought moving down to California was "it." Well it is only part of it. I've kinda started to realize that perhaps lighting design isn't what I really want to ultimately do, but then again I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up! But I feel like over the past month God has started to show me a new path....well not new but different from what I thought...for my life. I applied for art history programs and I'm interviewing this weekend with one in DC and I'm really really excited about it!!! I still crave to live in New York and Parsons is still a dream of mine, but maybe it's just not time for all that yet.

When I first applied to the two schools in DC I kinda just did it to appease my brother and parents, but now I'm starting to see it for myself more and more. The classes look awesome and like so much fun, and really there isn't anything I love more than art and design! People ask me what I want to do with that degree...I HAVE NO IDEA!!!! I'm only 24 for goodness sake! Do I have to have my life planned out so much so that I know what I'll be wearing on October 23rd 2015?? Geez people, give me a break. All I know is that God is opening another door for me and I just have to wait to see where that door leads. I kinda feel stupid after me saying for so long that I want to do lighting I want to do lighting. But then again, I didn't really know, and these past 9 months here have shown me that while I enjoy it it's not really what I see myself doing for the rest of my life! What I blessing to figure that out now than in 5 years when suddenly I'm not happy at all and can't understand why.

I've been learning lately to rely on God more and more. To cast all my worries and frustrations and fears on him. He can take it much better than I can that's for sure! And God will fight for me, I can't do it all on my own, I need him to be there by my side and to take over. I've also learned to truly trust God because he'll never let me down! I've always trusted God, but over the past months he's been testing my trust for him. Not only my trust for him but also the patience that goes along with trusting him! Patience is a hard one for me because I want what I want and I want it now! But part of trusting God is knowing that he'll fulfill the desires of your heart in his perfect timing. His perfect timing. I feel like I've said that phrase so many times over the past months, but it's true. We can't make things happen in our lives without God there because we may think we know best but really what do we know?? Only God knows when we're ready for that next step and will bring us to it in His time, not before we're ready and not after the fact.

So I'm waiting and putting my trust in God and trying to have patience with him. I have no idea what will be happening in the next few months but I'm excited to see where God brings me! And who he brings into my life! Life sure is an adventure....everything adventurous.